reading The Rules by Richard Templar

01 Jul, 2023

THE RULES TO BREAK

1. Success is what you say it is
2. Don’t envy other people
3. Exams aren’t the be all and end all
4. Don’t expect your parents to be perfect
5. Give your parents a break
6. You’re responsible for your own life
7. There’s a balance between the right to respect, and tolerance
8. Your siblings should be your best friends for life
9. Getting on at school is not the same as getting on in life
10. If you find it hard to talk, try listening
11. No one chooses to be difficult without a reason
12. Suffer fools gladly. Well, suffer them, anyway
13. Pain doesn’t have to make you miserable
14. No one at work will know how good you are unless you tell them
15. Don’t emotionally blackmail people
16. It’s not morally superior to be tidy
17. Don’t live for other people’s approval
18. You get what you give
19. Your friends don’t all need to be like you
20. Everything worth having hurts
21. Don’t try to change people
22. Be proud of your roots
23. Friends come and go
24. Mistakes can be good
25. You don’t have to like everyone
26. ...and not everyone will like you
27. Remember, you have a choice
28. Life’s all about the little things
29. Priorities change over the years
30. Know how to keep a secret
31. Replace the bad thoughts
32. You can’t change habits unless you want to
33. Respect everyone
34. Helping other people makes you feel good about yourself
35. They can’t walk all over you unless you’re lying down
36. Don’t let ’em bully you
37. Be in control
38. Be honest with yourself
39. Everyone has a backstory
40. You have to deal with your stuff before you can get on with your life
41. It’s not all about you
42. Don’t let bad habits get a foot in the door
43. Listen to the voices in your head
44. If you want big things to change, you have to make big changes
45. People come and go, and it’s OK
46. Your body is for life
47. Don’t get into debt
48. Never lend money unless you’re prepared to write it off
49. Know your real worth
50. The only thing you can control is you
51. No one can make you feel anything
52. You feel what you think
53. Don’t take anyone for granted
54. Say thank you out loud
55. The Rules don’t stop online
56. Accept your shortcomings
57. Perfection can be a handicap
58. You are the sum of your experiences (so make them good)
59. How you spend your day is how you spend your life
60. Know your limitations
61. Bide your time to make a good impression
62. Everyone else is as lost as you
63. There’s a fine line between being ubercool and being a total prat
64. Be happy with the way you look
65. The insignificant is important
66. Don’t mistake your career for your life
67. Avoid conflict
68. Don’t be afraid of compromise
69. Keep the moral high ground
70. Don’t trample on other people’s emotions
71. Be on the side of the angels, not the beasts
72. Keep ahead of deadlines
73. Don’t give advice
74. Never say ‘I told you so’
75. Stretch yourself
76. Stop expecting life to be fair
77. The more you know, the more you don’t
78. Learn from other people’s mistakes
79. You don’t have to jump in the deep end
80. Step out of your comfort zone
81. Don’t try to keep up with the Joneses
82. Remember, you could be wrong – someone has to be
83. Keep perspective
84. You don’t have to know what you want
85. Don’t do guilt
86. Pick yourself up (no one else will do it for you)
87. Thinking hard doesn’t always help
88. Look at all the options
89. Life is unpredictable
90. Trust everyone
91. Trust no one
92. There are people who moan, and people who just get on with it
93. Don't sacrifice yourself for a relationship
94. Feelings should be rational
95. Eat, drink and be merry
96. I want doesn't get
97. If it ain't broke, don't fix it
98. Find yourself a safe job
99. Protect your property
100. You can't change horses in midstream

THE RULES OF HAPPINESS

1. Take the long view
2. Do something you're good at
3. Like yourself
4. Look from the other direction
5. Spin it
6. Mix it
7. Find a distraction
8. Know who you value
9. Break down the blocks
10. Take control

THE RULES OF LIFE

1. Keep It Under Your Hat
2. You’ll Get Older But Not Necessarily Wiser
3. Accept What Is Done Is Done
4. Accept Yourself
5. Know What Counts and What Doesn’t
6. Dedicate Your Life to Something
7. Be Flexible in Your Thinking
8. Take an Interest in the Outside World
9. Be on the Side of the Angels, Not the Beasts
10. Only Dead Fish Swim with the Stream
11. Be the Last to Raise Your Voice
12. Be Your Own Adviser
13. No Fear, No Surprise, No Hesitation, No Doubt
14. I Wish I’d Done That—and I Will
15. It’s OK to Give Up
16. Count to Ten—or Recite “Baa Baa Black Sheep”
17. Change What You Can Change; Let Go of the Rest
18. Aim to Be the Very Best at Everything You Do—Not Second Best
19. Don’t Expect to Be Perfect
20. Don’t Be Afraid to Dream
21. If You’re Going to Jump Off a Bridge, Make Sure You Know How Deep the Water Is
22. Don’t Dwell on the Past
23. Don’t Live in the Future
24. Get on With Life—It’s Whooshing Past
25. Be Consistent
26. Dress Like Today Is Important
27. Have a Belief System
28. Leave a Little Space for Yourself Each Day
29. Have a Plan
30. Have a Sense of Humor
31. Choose How You Make Your Bed
32. Life Can Be a Bit Like Advertising
33. Get Used to Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone
34. Learn to Ask Questions
35. Have Dignity
36. It’s OK to Feel Big Emotions
37. Keep the Faith
38. You’llNeverUnderstandEverything
39. Know Where True Happiness Comes From
40. Life Is a Pizza
41. Know When to Let Go—When to Walk Away
42. Retaliation Leads to Escalation
43. Look After Yourself
44. Maintain Good Manners in All Things
45. Prune Your Stuff Frequently
46. Remember to Touch Base
47. Draw the Lines Around Yourself
48. Shop for Quality, Not Price
49. It’s OK to Worry, or to Know How Not To
50. Stay Young
51. Throwing Money at a Problem Doesn’t Always Work
52. Think for Yourself
53. You Are Not in Charge
54. Have Something in Your Life That Takes You Out of Yourself
55. Only the Good Feel Guilty
56. If You Can’t Say Anything Nice, Don’t Say Anything at All
57. Accept the Differences, Embrace What You Have in Common
58. Allow Your Partner the Space to Be Themselves
59. Be Nice
60. You Want to Do What?
61. Be the First to Say Sorry
62. Go That Extra Step in Trying to Please Them
63. Always Have Someone—or Something—That Is Pleased to See You
64. Know When to Listen and When to Act
65. Have a Passion for Your Life Together
66. Make Sure Your Love Making Is Making Love
67. Keep Talking
68. Respect Privacy
69. Check You Both Have the Same Shared Goals
70. Treat Your Partner Better Than Your Best Friend
71. Contentment Is a High Aim
72. You Don’t Both Have to Have the Same Rules
73. If You Are Going to Be a Friend, Be a Good Friend
74. Never Be Too Busy for Loved Ones
75. Let Your Kids Mess Up for Themselves—They Don’t Need Any Help from You
76. Have a Little Respect and Forgiveness for Your Parents
77. Give Your Kids a Break
78. Never Lend Money Unless You Are Prepared to Write It Off
79. Keep Quiet
80. There Are No Bad Children
81. Be Up Around People You Love
82. Give Your Kids Responsibilities
83. Your Children Need to Fall Out with You to Leave Home
84. Your Kids Will Have Friends You Don’t Like
85. Your Role as a Child
86. Your Role as a Parent
87. We’re All Closer Than You Think
88. It Doesn’t Hurt to Forgive
89. It Doesn’t Hurt to Be Helpful
90. What’s in It for Them?
91. Hang Out with Positive People
92. Be Generous with Your Time and Information
93. Get Involved
94. Keep the Moral High Ground
95. Just Because You Have, Doesn’t Mean They Have Too
96. Do Compare Yourself with Other People
97. Have a Plan for Your Career
98. Look at the Long-Term Ramifications of Do for a Living
99. Be Good at Your Job
100. Be Aware of the Damage You Are Doing
101. Be for the Glory, Not the Degradation
102. Be Part of the Solution, Not the Problem
103. Check What History Would Say About You
104. Not Everything Can Be Green
105. Put Something Back
106. Find a New Rule Every Day—or Occasionally at Least

THE RULES OF LOVE

1. Be Yourself
2. Get Over It Before You Get on with It
3. You Won’t Be Happy with a Partner Until You Can Be Happy on Your Own
4. You’ll Know Them When You Meet Them
5. Choose Someone Who Makes You Laugh
6. Being Less than a Hundred Percent Attractive Is a Great Filter
7. Don’t Keep Making the Same Mistakes
8. Certain People Are Off Limits (You Know Who They Are)
9. You Can’t Change People
10. Relationships Aren’t About Sex
11. You Should Know Someone Through All the Seasons Before You Make Any Major Decisions
12. Don’t Stay with Someone Who Doesn’t Care
13. If You Can’t Trust Them, You Haven’t Got a Relationship
14. Be Honest (While You Still Have the Chance)
15. Don’t Play Games
16. Don’t Paint New Partners with Old Brushes
17. Make Sure You Both Have the Same Shared Goals
18. You Can’t Make Someone Love You
19. Be Cruel to Be Kind
20. Be Nice
21. Be Together Because You Want to, Not Because You Need To
22. Allow Your Partner the Space to Be Themselves
23. Look to Your Own Faults
24. Be Honorable
25. Put Each Other First
26. Recognize the Signs
27. Be a Hero—or a Heroine
28. Accept the Differences, Embrace What You Have in Common
29. Houston, We Have a Problem
30. You Want to Do What?
31. Let Not the Sun Go Down Upon Your Wrath
32. Be the first to say sorry
33. Let them have the last word
34. Houston, we have a problem
35. Don't put them on a pedestal and expect them to stay there
36. Know when to listen and when to act
37. Never stop trying to be attractive
38. If you can say something nice, do
39. Don't try to be their parent
40. Be part of their life
41. If little things annoy you, say so - with humour
42. Go that extra step in trying to please them
43. Make sure your partner is always pleased to see you
44. Don't dump responsibility on your partner
45. Let them know if you don't like their friends
46. Jealousy is your stuff, not theirs
47. Your partner is more important than your kids
48. Make time for romance
49. Have a passion for your life together
50. Share the workload
51. Trust the other one to do the job
52. Don't be a nag
53. Make sure your love making is making love
54. Don't control them
55. Listen to what they're not saying
56. Most everyday arguments are about something else
57. Respect privacy
58. Treat your partner better than your best friend
59. Don't be offended if they want some space
60. Men like flowers too
61. Keep your finances separate
62. Contentment is a high aim
63. Be generous to each other financially
64. You make a choice every day
65. Don't be a martyr
66. Stop sniping - someone has to
67. You don't both have to have the same rules
68. Do it their way if it matters to them
69. Put yourself in their shoes
70. In-laws are part of the package
71. Keep talking
72. Listen to your own internal voice
73. Recognize that it takes two
74. Keep the moral high ground
75. Don't keep raking it over
76. Leave the kids out of it
77. Don't blame your parents
78. Don't let your parents control your feelings
79. Your children come before you
80. Nothing is worth falling out over
81. Treat them right, no matter how they treat you
82. There are no circumstances in which it is ever acceptable to say 'I told you so'
83. Don't pressurize your family just because you can
84. Never be too busy for loved ones
85. Your children need to fall out with you to leave home
86. They don't have to be the same as you
87. There's always stuff with siblings
88. Let go of your role
89. There are no rules
90. Your best friend was once a stranger
91. Only have people in your life who, on balance, make it better not worse
92. If you’re going to be a friend, be a good friend
93. Forgive
94. Never give advice
95. Don’t make other people uncomfortable
96. Find friends who love the truth
97. Never lend money unless you’re prepared to write it off
98. If you don’t like their partner, tough
99. When one finger points forwards, three point back
100. Friendships change
101. Know when to let go
102. Bitterness helps no one
103. People are more important than things
104. Guilt is a selfish emotion
105. Love equals time
106. The more you put out, the more you get back
107. Other people are where it’s at

THE RULES OF PARENTING

1. Relax
2. No one is perfect
3. Be content
4. Know what you're good at
5. Almost any rule can be broken occasionally
6. Don't try to do everything
7. You don't have to follow every piece of advice you get
8. It's normal to want to escape
9. You’re allowed to hide from your kids
10. Parents are people too
11. Don’t ignore your relationship with your partner
12. Love is not enough
13. Every recipe needs different ingredients
14. Anything extreme is almost certainly wrong
15. Look pleased to see them
16. Treat your child with respect
17. Enjoy their company
18. It’s not about you – it’s about them
19. Being tidy isn’t as important as you think
20. Good parenting is calculated risk taking
21. Keep your worries to yourself
22. See things from their point of view
23. Parenting is not a competitive sport
24. Never emotionally blackmail them
25. Let them get on with it
26. Let them go (wild)
27. Teach them to think for themselves
28. Use praise wisely
29. Make sure they know what’s important
30. Show them how to lose
31. Know the value of boundaries
32. Bribery doesn't have to be bad
33. Moods are catching
34. You're setting their eating patterns for life
35. Communicate
36. Set clear targets
37. Don't be a nag
38. Present a united front
39. Carrots beat sticks
40. Be consistent
41. Lighten up
42. Focus on the problem, not the person
43. Don't paint yourself into a corner
44. If you lose your temper, you're the loser
45. Apologize if you get it wrong
46. Let them back in
47. The right of expression
48. Find what incentives work for your child
49. Every child should have something they know they’re good at
50. Learn to appreciate the qualities that remind you of someone else
51. Look for the similarities between you
52. Find qualities to admire in them
53. Let them be better than you
54. Their attitude is as important as their achievements
55. Keep your fears and insecurities to yourself
56. Mind your programming
57. Don’t try to have a perfect child
58. Give them each other
59. Recognize that squabbling is healthy (within reason)
60. Teach them to sort out their own arguments
61. Work as a team
62. Let them entertain each other
63. Never compare children with each other
64. Different children need different rules
65. Don’t have a favourite
66. Mix and match
67. Find each child’s strengths
68. Schooling isn’t the same as education
69. School comes as a package
70. Fight your child’s corner
71. Bullying is always serious
72. Teach them to stand up for themselves
73. Put up with friends of theirs you don’t like
74. Remember you’re their parent, not their teacher
75. Don’t mollycoddle them
76. Let up the pressure
77. They have to live with their choices (and it’s OK)
78. Don’t panic
79. Remember Newton’s Third Law
80. Give them a voice
81. Don’t look under the mattress
82. Running round after them doesn’t help anybody
83. Don’t stand in front of a speeding train
84. Yelling isn’t the answer
85. Let them have the last word
86. Everything comes with strings
87. Show some respect for the things they care about
88. Adopt a healthy attitude to sex
89. Don’t use your kids as ammunition
90. Let them cope in their own way
91. Being younger doesn’t necessarily speed everything up
92. The aftershock can last forever
93. Tell them what’s going on
94. Teach them to fail successfully
95. It’s better to agree than to be right
96. All of your actions speak louder than any of your words
97. Make sure they know they’re priority no. 1
98. You can’t fix everything
99. Back off
100. Wait until they ask for advice
101. Treat them as adults
102. Don’t try to be their best friend
103. Encourage them regardless
104. You can’t choose who your children love
105. Leave the strings off
106. Don’t guilt-trip them
107. Remember they still need
108. It’s not your fault
109. Once a parent, always a parent

RULES ABOUT YOUR PARENTS

1. Don’t put them on a pedestal
2. Let them be grandparents
3. Don’t ask too much of them
4. Don’t guilt-trip them – even by mistake
5. Learn to share
6. They’re new to this too
7. Understand that they don’t come from the same place as you
8. Any grandparent is better than no grandparent
9. Don’t bad-mouth them in front of the kids
10. They love you just like you love your kids

THE RULES OF PARTING

1. Listen to your own internal voice
2. Recognize that it takes two
3. It doesn’t have to be anyone’s fault
4. Keep the moral high ground
5. Don’t keep raking it over
6. Leave the kids out of it
7. Remember they’re not a monster
8. Identify your own mistakes
9. Choose friends you can trust
10. There is life beyond parting

THE RULES OF THINKING

1. Avoid echo chambers
2. Don’t be scared
3. Consider the motive
4. Beware self-interest
5. Keep hold of your heartstrings
6. Don’t be gullible
7. Know who you are
8. Seek out support
9. Take control
10. Be flexible
11. Be self-aware
12. It is what it is
13. Don’t get over-distracted
14. Like yourself
15. Be ready to cope
16. Better out than in
17. Cut yourself some slack
18. Think yourself happy
19. Focus on other people
20. Be in the present
21. Stress is optional
22. Normality isn’t normal
23. Evaluate your emotions
24. Laugh at yourself
25. Keep learning
26. No one likes to be incompetent
27. Practice makes progress
28. Turn off the action replays
29. Sidestep bad habits
30. Appreciate semantics
31. Keep the bar steady
32. Look for the spin
33. Believe in being organised
34. Learn to love a list
35. Think outside your head
36. Don’t overload your RAM
37. Make deadlines your friend
38. Don’t indulge decision making
39. Get creatively organised
40. Train your brain
41. Feed your mind
42. Get in the mood
43. Open up
44. There are no rules
45. Spot the box
46. Think like someone else
47. Make connections
48. Make mistakes
49. Forget about other people
50. Clear your emotions out of the way
51. Make sure there’s really a problem
52. Check you’re solving the right problem
53. Loosen up
54. Don’t settle for your first answer
55. If it’s plausible, it’s worthwhile
56. Find a way in
57. Don’t get bogged down
58. Try a new angle
59. Don’t panic
60. Get help
61. You’re better together
62. Play to everyone’s strengths
63. Think like a hive
64. Leave your ego behind
65. Keep an eye on the quiet ones
66. Question groupthink
67. Conflict is OK
68. Think up a storm
69. Have stupid ideas
70. Keep in synch
71. Decide what you’re deciding
72. Don’t start at square two
73. Set yourself boundaries
74. Untangle the knots first
75. Go for Goldilocks
76. Vet your advisors
77. Be your own advisor
78. Don’t jump to conclusions
79. Understand your emotions
80. Balance logic and emotion
81. Learn to compromise
82. Find option C
83. Assess the cost of a bad decision
84. Regret is a waste of energy
85. Be honest about procrastinating
86. Read John Donne
87. Don’t be played for a fool
88. Stand back and take in the view
89. Look for what comes next
90. Don’t bother your pretty little head
91. Consider the odds
92. Facts are neutral
93. Don’t trust statistics
94. Understand cause and effect
95. If you can’t prove it’s true, that doesn’t mean it isn’t
96. Don’t believe it just because everyone else does
97. Don’t believe it just because you want to
98. Be devil’s advocate
99. Don’t go into lockdown
100. Opinions aren’t facts